......revelations of one woman's reality of life, love, and all things hopeful...

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"get over it," He said...

Arriving early, being the nerd that I am, I sat on the front row.

Being the introvert that I am, I sat in the last seat on the left, squished against the wall.

I couldn't wait to see who the lucky gal was who would sit next to me (humble, I know:). I mean, I'm nice and approachable. I'm still sort-of a "visitor" here. Who would be my new friend? I'm starving for some female friendship. What better place to meet a new friend than a women's Bible study? I've lived in this new state for more than a year now, and apart from some great coworkers, I've not made a single solid girlfriend. This was going to be the night. I just knew it.

The ladies filed in over the next 20 minutes. There must have been twenty or more. All smiling and conversing with each other. I made small talk, very small, with a couple of ladies, but that's the long and short of it.

And who was the lucky gal sitting next to me?

Ummmm....she must have been home sick, because the chair remained empty. EMPTY! Not a soul sat by me. Now, there were two other ladies on the other side of my empty-chair neighbor, but next to me, empty.

"Get over it," you say?

That's what He said. Sort of. The Lord, that is.

As I sat through the video portion of the introductory lesson, I clearly felt God say to me, "...-

WAIT- before you stop reading this- No, I did not hear God in an audible voice, and No, I'm not a prophet who hears from God and reports it to the world. I just felt Him convict me in my Spirit, and I have no doubt what He was telling me.

Now that we have that clarified, continue reading...

As I sat through the video portion of the introductory lesson, I clearly felt God say to me, "You don't need girlfriends, you need ME."


"You need ME to help you be the best wife you can be."

"You need ME to help you be the best mother you can be."

"I have big, big plans for your son, but he is going to face special challenges. You need ME to help you help him. Not girlfriends."

"Pray to Me."

"Listen to Me."

"Study My Word."

"Obey Me."

"Love Me."

"Let Me love you," He said.

Little did I know that I would be praying for my baby boy in only a few hours. At 2 a.m. the next morning, he was vomiting with his first ever virus. Scary, 5 month old vomiting. Hard.

Yes, I talked to HIM...not a girlfriend at 2 a.m.

The virus stayed at our house for a while, and I wasn't able to go to the next week's meeting. I've been working the workbook at my own pace. Now, I'm not at all being prideful, but knowing that there's always something to be learned from a particular scripture, no matter how many times you read it, I have to admit that the points being made in this particular study have already been driven home to me in my past experiences.

Does that make sense???

Not that I know it all, but more like I've learned these lessons the hard way, and I'm past it already.

This week, I've had good, good phone conversations with two girlfriends from back home.

Starvation now satisfied.

God is so good. He provides just what I need when I need it.

It's just like me to go out chasing the objects of my desires, doing things the difficult, exhausting ways. If only I will remember to seek Him. Study Him. Obey Him.

He'll provide those girlfriends when He knows I need them.

He'll help me be the best wife and mother I can be.

He said he would.

Now you know what's been on my mind today...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

about a pen name...

Sometimes I think about creating a blog using a pen name. Perhaps I could be numbered among the likes of Lewis Carroll (a.k.a. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ), Ann Landers (a.k.a Ester Pauline Friedman, advice columnist), or Dr. Seuss (a.k.a. Theodor Seuss Geisel).

Sometimes I really think I need pen name.

There are thoughts in my mind that are practically oozing from my pores, but my discerning spirit tells me that those things may be too much for "Read My Thoughts". Not to be politically correct, but I'm afraid some of my writing would be offensive---especially if I am unable to convey my thoughts in the spirit with which I intend. I'm not angry or bitter toward a single soul on the planet, but telling the truth sometimes involves exposing the not-so-favorable qualities not only of myself but of others also.

Oh, oh, oh! The thoughts about the "first year" of marriage! HaHa! Now, I love, love, love being married, and I love, love, love, love, love my TT. Lord knows I do! But do I have some stories? You Betcha, I do!!! Most of these tales would have me as the butt of the joke and each blood-draining moment of embarrassment. Perhaps I would tell of all the ways God has blessed me with my perfect match...even when we have conflict...but somehow this is all still so new and just too personal to share with those closest to us. Perhaps someday I will have a blog called "Memoirs of the 30-something and 40-something, both never-married, educated-beyond-their-common-sense, HoneyMooners".

And then there's motherhood. I never knew love like this existed. How I want to tell the world all the details that fell into place for this precious child to be in my arms. It's chilling, actually, but I know the time has not yet come to reveal these things.

Not here.

Not for everyone.

Not yet, but someday.

And yet, I feel as I might burst to tell all these things.

Maybe I will create a pen name.

But what, oh what, would it be? That's a whole 'nother post.