......revelations of one woman's reality of life, love, and all things hopeful...

Saturday, July 2, 2011

on the last ten months:)

The time was around noon, September 1, 2010.

I got a call on my cell phone at work.

This might be IT.

I had only known about this baby for about 6 weeks, and now it seemed he was on his way.

Thumpty-thump-thumpty-thump-thumpty-thump! It seemed I could literally hear my heart beating inside my head.

Oh the excitement. I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to grab my purse and keys and SCRAM from my workplace as quickly as I knew how.

I stopped myself.

Get a'hold of yourself. This could all blow up. Dial it down a notch or two.

So I didn't leave work. I finished the day.

Fastforward to 10 p.m.

She's at the hospital.

Oh my goodness. Are they admitting her? She doesn't know for sure yet.

I get my bags all packed. Just in case....

Of course, I've had the bag packed for a couple of weeks now. You know, the one with the few teeny-tiny clothes, diapers, and bottles we had allowed ourselves to purchase. You know....just in case everything worked out the way he hoped it would.

I tell TT to go ahead and go to bed. He needed to sleep in case he had to make a long road trip in the middle of the night.

My phone rings again. This is it. They're keeping her. Oh my goodness!

I got the kitchen cleaned up.

I gathered up all the trash.

I emptied all the perishables from the refrigerator.

I can't sleep!

2 A.M.

Wake up, TT. You're about to be a Daddy.

One last status update on Facebook...."Road trip!"

3 A.M.

We're filling the tank and headed south.

6 A.M.

I get a text with a pic. Oh my goodness. This is real!

The phone rings. I answer. I hear the most precious set of lungs....whaling like a little newborn lamb!


Somewhere around noon, September 2, 201o, I laid my eyes upon the most beautiful thing I had ever seen...my Mark Tallen.

Life changed!

That was ten months ago. Everyday has been just as sweet.

Some moments have been flooded with exhaustion, but somehow, rest always came.

Some moments were for a time for learning to make the best guess....errrr....decision.... I could, then moving on.

Some moments have been for stretching....stretching my patience, stretching my faith, stretching my love. Yes, I stretched, but never to the point of breaking.

I've learned about the love of a child and the love of a parent. I've learned the unconditional love of a spouse. I've known the love of God in a whole new, indescribable way.

In ten months, I've learned that it really doesn't matter if my hair always looks good. I try, but somedays....well...

In ten months, I've learned that 'work drama' is so petty. People....let's just get the job done right so I can get home!

In ten months, I've learned my husband truly is the man I had hoped I was marrying on my wedding day. What a great Daddy! So committed to family and willing to do whatever it takes!

In ten months, I've learned what it is for someone to be Prolife, and I thank God for her daily. I pray for her that she finds Peace in her life.

In ten months, I've dreamed more about someone else's future than I have about my own. I see big, big, big things to come!



Thank you, Lord Jesus!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

on little purple & pink rosettes...

I don't know if it's completely normal, and I don't know if it's even slightly healthy.


Whenever I'm sick, I miss my Mom.

I've got strep throat. I've not had a good case of strep in more than twenty years, but it's just like I remember it...throat on fire, headache, earache, and backache. Aching legs, aching shoulders. I think even my teeth ache. Nothing tastes good...not that swallowing is even a possibility.

I also remember my mom giving me medicine like clockwork, waking me up at all hours to make sure we didn't miss a dose. You could count on it.

You could count on her.

Sometimes she would even sleep with me. I loved that when I was little.

She's not here.

I wouldn't bring her back from someplace that's far better than any place I could ever imagine, but I neither will I lie...I wish she was here and had never left.

Tonight, I went to my closet to find something warm to put on since the chills are still coming and going.

There it was.

Hanging in the back of my closet was the robe Mom gave me for Christmas one year. It's the prettiest pink with tiny pink and purple rosettes on the sleeves and collar. I don't wear it a lot because it's normally too thick and heavy for my comfort, but I've just never been able to part with it.

I put on the robe, and it was almost like she was here.

I'm glad I never parted with it.

I think I'm feeling better now.

Goodnight, friends.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

on the final decree

My hands trembled just a little bit. I knew what was in it...the thick envelope that the mail carrier left in our mailbox today. The return address was from the attorney's office that helped us with the adoption. It was the "on-paper, read-it-with-my-own-eyes" final decree of adoption.


My hands trembled, not with fear or anxiety, but with sheer joy and wonder.

I can still hardly believe it all.

Do all women sit and stare at their babies the way I do mine?

Are all babies this beautiful?

Do all mommies fall this hard in love?

I can't imagine loving him anymore if I had given birth to him myself.

In fact, I would not love him more had I given birth to him myself. I do love him as if I had given birth to him. That's the very essence of adoption.

The judge told us that our baby now has the full legal standing as a child who was born into our family. He told us that we, the parents, have all the responsibilities, just as if we had given birth to this infant. It's all legal now, according to the documents that caused my hands to tremble.


Somehow, I know it's more that just a legal matter.

It's most importantly Spiritual.

Adoption is a spiritual matter.

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not made you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." Romans 8:14-16

Although I'm confident that this passage is so much deeper than my mind can conceive, it has resounded in my heart for the last 9 months. When Christ gloriously gave me his Spirit to live within me when He saved my soul, the made the final decree of adoption. I have the full spiritual standing as a child of God. He, the most perfect parent, has the full responsibility of the good Father....Responsibilities that He fully, perfectly, willingly, and gladly fulfills...no matter what:)

I don't know why God chose to answer our prayer for a baby. I don't know why He chose to do it on the timetable that he did.

I don't know why some families wait years for an infant, while we only waited....well, we didn't wait. God just seemingly dropped this little angel into our arms.

I don't know why.

I'm just thankful.

And just in case you're wondering...

MT is now 9 1/2 months old. He had a check-up today, weighing in at almost 27lbs. He is 29 inches tall. He crawls and cruises. He has 2 little teethies on the bottom. He sometimes says 'Mama' and 'Dada' and 'Baba' (bottle). He loves to eat (everything but beach sand, that is). He rarely meets a stranger. He dances anytime he hears music. He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Special Agent Oso, and The Little Einsteins. He takes 2 allergy medications. He usually sleeps through the night, but wakes up usually once during the night needing his passy.

I could go on and on and on...

...but I won't...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

about some new 'favorite things'

I have some new "favorite things".

It's mostly girly stuff.


Keep reading...

First, some awesome hair product. I apologize to my professional salon-owner friends, but I buy it at WalMart. It's called got 2 b kinkier. It's a curling mousse. And it works. GREAT! I have never been able to do the "scrunch" hairdo...it always makes my hair resemble straw....until now. I wash my hair at night, put it on my wet , and go to bed. I wake up with curly hair. No kidding, girls! I get so many compliments on my new hair!

Next...drumroll please....the Pasta Boat! As Seen on TV! It works! Love it! Cook perfect pasta in the microwave everytime! Dishwasher safe...top rack only! The problem is that my sweet TT and I have started doing the low-carb thing, so pasta is essentially out of our lives. However...you can also use it to steam vegetables which works great too! I bought mine at Walgreens for 9.99.

Finally, my favorite nail polish. It's called Sinful Colors. It goes on so good, and stays on! I think it stays on better than the polish used in professional salon manicures I have recieved. It comes in every color you can imagine...matte, frosty, shimmery, glittery...all of it! The really, really great news is that it's CHEAP! $1.99 per bottle at WalGreens, and sometimes it's on sale for $.99! Can't beat that deal!

This is not a paid advertisement for these products....but that would be nice:)
The end:)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"get over it," He said...

Arriving early, being the nerd that I am, I sat on the front row.

Being the introvert that I am, I sat in the last seat on the left, squished against the wall.

I couldn't wait to see who the lucky gal was who would sit next to me (humble, I know:). I mean, I'm nice and approachable. I'm still sort-of a "visitor" here. Who would be my new friend? I'm starving for some female friendship. What better place to meet a new friend than a women's Bible study? I've lived in this new state for more than a year now, and apart from some great coworkers, I've not made a single solid girlfriend. This was going to be the night. I just knew it.

The ladies filed in over the next 20 minutes. There must have been twenty or more. All smiling and conversing with each other. I made small talk, very small, with a couple of ladies, but that's the long and short of it.

And who was the lucky gal sitting next to me?

Ummmm....she must have been home sick, because the chair remained empty. EMPTY! Not a soul sat by me. Now, there were two other ladies on the other side of my empty-chair neighbor, but next to me, empty.

"Get over it," you say?

That's what He said. Sort of. The Lord, that is.

As I sat through the video portion of the introductory lesson, I clearly felt God say to me, "...-

WAIT- before you stop reading this- No, I did not hear God in an audible voice, and No, I'm not a prophet who hears from God and reports it to the world. I just felt Him convict me in my Spirit, and I have no doubt what He was telling me.

Now that we have that clarified, continue reading...

As I sat through the video portion of the introductory lesson, I clearly felt God say to me, "You don't need girlfriends, you need ME."


"You need ME to help you be the best wife you can be."

"You need ME to help you be the best mother you can be."

"I have big, big plans for your son, but he is going to face special challenges. You need ME to help you help him. Not girlfriends."

"Pray to Me."

"Listen to Me."

"Study My Word."

"Obey Me."

"Love Me."

"Let Me love you," He said.

Little did I know that I would be praying for my baby boy in only a few hours. At 2 a.m. the next morning, he was vomiting with his first ever virus. Scary, 5 month old vomiting. Hard.

Yes, I talked to HIM...not a girlfriend at 2 a.m.

The virus stayed at our house for a while, and I wasn't able to go to the next week's meeting. I've been working the workbook at my own pace. Now, I'm not at all being prideful, but knowing that there's always something to be learned from a particular scripture, no matter how many times you read it, I have to admit that the points being made in this particular study have already been driven home to me in my past experiences.

Does that make sense???

Not that I know it all, but more like I've learned these lessons the hard way, and I'm past it already.

This week, I've had good, good phone conversations with two girlfriends from back home.

Starvation now satisfied.

God is so good. He provides just what I need when I need it.

It's just like me to go out chasing the objects of my desires, doing things the difficult, exhausting ways. If only I will remember to seek Him. Study Him. Obey Him.

He'll provide those girlfriends when He knows I need them.

He'll help me be the best wife and mother I can be.

He said he would.

Now you know what's been on my mind today...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

about a pen name...

Sometimes I think about creating a blog using a pen name. Perhaps I could be numbered among the likes of Lewis Carroll (a.k.a. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ), Ann Landers (a.k.a Ester Pauline Friedman, advice columnist), or Dr. Seuss (a.k.a. Theodor Seuss Geisel).

Sometimes I really think I need pen name.

There are thoughts in my mind that are practically oozing from my pores, but my discerning spirit tells me that those things may be too much for "Read My Thoughts". Not to be politically correct, but I'm afraid some of my writing would be offensive---especially if I am unable to convey my thoughts in the spirit with which I intend. I'm not angry or bitter toward a single soul on the planet, but telling the truth sometimes involves exposing the not-so-favorable qualities not only of myself but of others also.

Oh, oh, oh! The thoughts about the "first year" of marriage! HaHa! Now, I love, love, love being married, and I love, love, love, love, love my TT. Lord knows I do! But do I have some stories? You Betcha, I do!!! Most of these tales would have me as the butt of the joke and each blood-draining moment of embarrassment. Perhaps I would tell of all the ways God has blessed me with my perfect match...even when we have conflict...but somehow this is all still so new and just too personal to share with those closest to us. Perhaps someday I will have a blog called "Memoirs of the 30-something and 40-something, both never-married, educated-beyond-their-common-sense, HoneyMooners".

And then there's motherhood. I never knew love like this existed. How I want to tell the world all the details that fell into place for this precious child to be in my arms. It's chilling, actually, but I know the time has not yet come to reveal these things.

Not here.

Not for everyone.

Not yet, but someday.

And yet, I feel as I might burst to tell all these things.

Maybe I will create a pen name.

But what, oh what, would it be? That's a whole 'nother post.


Saturday, January 29, 2011